Were you wondering why Baby Boomers are the way they are? We received some very confusing messages from our parents. The good news is that I have never heard anyone in my generation who repeated these statements. Perhaps this will help you better understand the boomer generation:
I’m confused
“I suppose you think you’re special, Lady Jane.”
My name’s not Lady Jane.
Of course I’m special!
You always tell me that.
So now I’m not special?
I haven’t changed.
And you’ve renamed me Lady Jane?
It makes no sense.
I’m confused.
“I was not born yesterday, Mister (or Girlie).”
What? No you weren’t.
You’re really old –
much older than me.
Which means you’re gonna die first, too.
And what does that have to do with anything?
I’m just saying I didn’t DO it.
You make no sense.
I’m confused.
“This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.”
No, it won’t!
Do I get to spank your bottom?
Are you going to yell or cry?
Is your rear end going to sting?
Will you be able to sit when this is over?
I don’t THINK so.
It makes no sense.
I’m confused.
“Don’t you make me pull this car over.”
I can’t make you pull it over. You’re bigger, and
besides, I’m not driving.
I don’t know how.
My feet can’t even reach the pedals.
And I’m in the back seat, anyway.
And why would I make you pull it over?
You make no sense.
I’m confused.
“Close the door. Were you born in a barn?”
Of course I wasn’t born in a barn.
Why would you ask?
Animals live in a barn.
They couldn’t close the door if they wanted to.
They’re too slow—and don’t have hands.
I’m just in a hurry, and I forgot the door.
That makes no sense.
I’m confused.
“You’ll understand when you have kids.”
Do I have to wait that long?
What the heck are you talking about?
Anyway, I’m never gonna have kids.
Maybe you just don’t want to explain it to me.
I wonder. Do you even understand?
Are you pretending you do?
It makes no sense.
I’m confused.
“Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know.”
I know that.
Money never grows on trees, Apples and peaches do.
I love apples and peaches—but mostly peaches.
And what does that have to do with a new bike?
Bikes don’t grow on trees, either.
Can we buy it or not?
You didn’t answer
It makes no sense.
I’m confused.
“We’re not laughing at you, we are laughing with you.”
Yeah? Well, I’m not laughing,
so who are you laughing with?
Must be all these people
who think they’re laughing with me, too.
Besides, I don’t think it’s funny.
I’m going in the family room.
so I can be with kids who make sense.
I’m confused.
“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
Really?
Then why do you look so mad?
Your face is crinkled and you’re staring at me
like you do just before you spank my butt.
And what is disappointed, anyway?
I think you made that up.
I don’t believe you.
I’m confused.
“Remember the starving Armenians.”
Who are the Armenians?
And why are they starving?
There’s a grocery on every block
with hot dogs and candy and cola.
And how can I remember
people I never met?
It makes no sense.
I’m confused.
Besides, what do Armenians
have to do with
these terrible peas on my plate?
Copyright: Laurel Jean Becker 9/19/18
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