In The Princess and the Pea by Hans Christian Andersen, a woman who claims to be a princess cannot rest because a pea that has been placed below the twenty mattresses she is sleeping on feels uncomfortable and keeps her awake. According to the story, this level of physical sensitivity is a sure indication that she is a princess.
When I was very young and first read The Princess and the Pea, I immediately identified with the princess–not because I was a light sleeper, felt entitled or was looking for a prince to rescue me, but because I was a clairvoyant and empathized with her sensitivity. I could perceive things others could not.
Science could not (and still cannot) prove extrasensory perception ESP/clairvoyance, and the conservative church I grew up in historically disapproved of it. Church teachings indicated my “gift” was suspected as a tool of the devil. (I doubt that it occurred to my church leaders that their gifts could be used for evil ends, too.) What could a clairvoyant child do in such an environment? I simply tucked it away to investigate later and remained anchored in my own lonely reality.
In time and with maturity, I came to recognize and understand my unique abilities: foreseeing events before they occur; seeing things that are happening elsewhere; observing auras; viewing things that happened in the past, and other clairvoyant experiences. I grew to understand the limits of religion and embrace the reality of my own Christianity and spiritual situation. I gave my ESP/Clairvoyant abilities into the control of God through prayer. I would trust Him with what He had entrusted to me.
Most of what I experience cannot be shared, which sometimes leaves me isolated—until what I know becomes common knowledge. Revealing my clairvoyance has made me a target of various reactions ranging from acceptance to outright anger and the inevitable judgmental attitude. Because of that, what I experience sometimes leaves me feeling vulnerable. However, it is important to be true to my authentic self.
I now embrace my clairvoyance as a part of me that I nurture, love and respect. It sometimes remains hard to sleep when my sensitivities discover the “pea” of clairvoyance. No wonder I identified with the princess! I wrote the sonnet below to put words to both the clairvoyant experiences and God’s eternal grace toward my clairvoyant self.
Mist and Mysteries
and let my eyes roam over valleys low.
I’ve climbed the rugged trail alone again
and come to talk to you in clouds, my soul.
I hear the world’s voice and feel my head
recoil itself from static noise once more,
until it dies away, an echo shed.
I feel the breezes from a distant shore.
They lift me and carry me aloft
toward clouds of mist and mysteries untold.
I sense with ears that do not hear a word
and touch with hands my eyes cannot behold.
I feel Your presence permeate this space
and brush the timeless nature of Your grace.
Previously published:
Parnassus Literary Journal, Vol. 28, No2, Summer 2004
The Pen Woman, September 2006
In the Heart of a Quiet Garden, 2013– Finishing Line Press
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